About ‘Just Imagine’

Welcome to ‘Just Imagine’.

Hello, my name is Alexia. This wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had a Blog. With my last one, I got rid of because I didn’t like my Blog “supporter” I guess. It was honestly a complicated site, and I really just didn’t like it.

Normally, I’ll start a Blog and it will be about writing and books, my tips and stuff, but this time I decided to make a Blog for inspirational purposes because lately, I have been talking to a lot of friends about their troubles and the things they have been going through. I’ve just been helping them get through all of the nonsense that they shouldn’t be dealing with.

I never know if I’ve made a difference in their lives or if they will continue being stuck in their heartbreaks. Most of the time, I see them repeating the same mistakes as they did before and it is devastating for me to know my words meant nothing to them. I can only do so much. In reality, it’s up to them on whether or not they want to listen to me; taking my words to heart for it to really benefit them.
So, I hope that while you are reading ‘Just Imagine’ you will really take my words and mull them over in your head, try to relate them to events in your life, and let them help you overcome your troubles.

I’m actually very young, so I have been through my first of all pain. Maybe I’ve not been through it all but I’ve lost people I love, I’ve been heartbroken, I’ve had my ups and downs, I’ve had my first love. Most say at this age that I am too young to love; too young to be as wise as an adult, but it’s not age that determines how much you have experienced. We’ve all been through the worst and the best days of our lives. It’s honestly nothing new to this day’s generation.

A lot of people like to say that I was born with an old soul, so I have decided to acknowledge the part of me that loves to help people by starting this Blog to give you all someone to talk to. Someone you can relate to even if I’m a complete stranger. I don’t know your families, so if you’re scared of the one person you pour you heart onto will tell them I can’t. Maybe, you just feel so alone like the whole world is completely against you.

It’s okay to not be okay…

Sometimes all you want to do is give up but at the same time, you want someone there to continuously ask if you are okay, but not all of us has that.

This is just another pathetic site to tell you that you’ll live. To help you, because the world needs more of them. More people who will stand to help; to change the world with a few simple words. No one actually realizes the amount of pain one goes through or has the ability to see behind someone’s mask that they wear to hide all the sadness and pain.

So this is My Inspiration for You. Just Imagine…

~Remember to Love Yourself~

                                  ~Alexia G.

 

 

This Thing We Call Trust

Trust is very huge to me. If someone loses my trust, they’ve lost it. It takes a lot to get it back. It hurts to have the people I hold most dear turn around and break my trust. I want to trust them still. I want to love them and hold them close, but they’ve lost me. I am gone and am never to be found again.

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I have this friend. He lives a thousand miles away. We met in the most dangerous way. I don’t even know why I replied. He just said ‘hi’. I could have gotten myself into a huge mess. He could’ve been some creep stalking little girls online and I was too young and naive at the time to understand why that could have ended my life. It was fine. He loved me for a time.

I don’t know what drew me to him. There was something about him that just made me feel so safe. We met around a year ago. He messaged me first and we quickly found we had common interests. He was Christian as I am. I thought I was falling in love with him but I wasn’t. He is no one for me to love like that.

He is now my best friend. We had gotten into our first fight a few months back and it ruined me. He knows me inside and out, yet he doesn’t understand exactly how I am; why I am the way I am.

We’ve never touched. We have never been close to each other physically. Phones made it seem like we were inches apart but there was always a screen cutting through between us. We used to dream of meeting one day. He used to tell me how he’d run to me like no one was watching and hold me in his arms like it was just us and no one else was in the world. Knowing these things, knowing he wanted to hold me made me feel like I finally mattered to someone.

I began to trust him and love him. I found comfort in the sound of his breathing during our late night talks just waiting for the day I could hear his heart beat. I love my Bestie and I would do anything for him. But that doesn’t mean he’d do anything for me.

It’s so easy to learn to trust some one. It’s so easy to fall for their nasty tricks and be fooled by their games. Whether they mean to hurt you or not, they rip you apart until you’re lying on the floor not able to hear your heart screaming over the sound of their heart beating.

I never thought he was capable of hurting me. I even remember all the promises he made that he’d do nothing but protect me, I remember how he’d promise me a day of bliss just lying in his arms listening to his heart beat. I remember every promise he ever made. I remember everything he ever said. I remember how he’d look at me while we faced timed, thinking that I wasn’t paying attention.

I remember his eyes like a green emerald picked from coal. I remember his perfect smile that lit up my whole world. I remember how he said he hated it. I remember the way it made me feel as he went on about how beautiful my smile was and how he wished… he could touch my lips…

People always thought we were more than friends. Sometimes I questioned our boundaries as there never seemed to be any. We were just young and not in love with each other but in love with us. It always seemed so perfect and I always thought we’d last forever and even though it’s not even over, I’m still scared that I’ll wake up one day and he’ll have forgotten it all. I keep having to remind him of what we have. I know he’s scared because I think he’s fallen in love.

I’ve broken down his walls and found a place in his heart where he holds me close and protects me. I’ve gotten into his head and made him think things we are too young to even comprehend. I’ve made him weak and tore down every wall he ever built adding bridges to our distance inching closer.

I didn’t care if we fell in love or never learned to love each other. All that mattered to me was the fact that he was mine; that he was my best friend.

I could tell that he began to have feelings for me the last day we were on call. It was so late into the night that it was early morning around the time my dad would have been getting up to go bale. I was lying in my bed and had my back turned to my phone. When I looked, he was curled up in his blankets just watching me as I started to fall asleep. He didn’t even blink when I locked eyes with him. A smile curved across his face and his eyes brightened even more. And he whispered, “You’re so beautiful.”

I didn’t even know how to respond. I just closed my eyes and before I knew it I woke again to the sun shining in through my window. It had felt like a dream. Just his soft words that rang in my ears. His calm eyes and perfect smile. Everything about him screamed, “I love you. I mean really love you, but you’ll never love me because how could hearts like ours ever love each other.” There were such pain and love and longing behind his eyes like he wanted to reach through the phone and kiss me.

After that night we never talked for two months. I started to get so confused and irritated. Every night I was crying in anger and pain. I felt like I had lost something; as if a piece of me was missing and I knew it was him, my Bestie.

Right when I was beginning to give up on him, he finally texted me and told me what was going on. he had gotten a girlfriend and we had gotten into a huge fight. We were only texting but we were yelling at each other. I could just hear him screaming. I could feel the tears running down his cheeks as I watched mine fall into the palm of my hands. We were lost. We forgot.

Our fight is still going on today and this all went down two months ago. I miss the one I thought I knew. This boy has stolen my friends face. He wears this mask where ever he goes faking that perfect smile but I see darkness hidden behind his eyes. I see pain.

He and his girlfriend eventually broke up and I got him back for a time but he was different. She had stolen the light from his eyes. I see this boy I recognize but I don’t know him. He doesn’t treat me the way he used to like he’s burning down every bridge that brought us close. I’m drowning in the waters that were once beneath me. He could care less if he hurts me. I don’t know what I’m into. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m saying I’m done. He’s about to lose every bit of me and I don’t think he cares, or maybe he does. Maybe he is scared. He never wanted to fall in love.

So, he goes out and finds any girl that will keep his mind off me. He forgets about me. Finds ways to erase me. I think he’s scared that he’ll lose me if I ever found out how he truly feels but he doesn’t seem to understand that I would love him more than we do now if he’d let me. He would never lose me over loving me but he would lose me over lying to me. Over ignoring me. over being so mean.

I used to trust him. He lost that trust. He broke every promise he ever made. He doesn’t even try anymore. I wonder if I sound crazy by saying that I know him or is he just a mirage. Am I making this all up in my head? If that is the case then I wish to go to a place where no one ever got hurt. A place where it was just him and I. Just us in paradise.

He lost my trust by playing with my heart… He played with such a fragile thing and broke it.

I know a lot of men and boys think they have girls and woman figured out but what they don’t understand is how fragile we are. We aren’t dainty little things that must be rescued but it’s our hearts that must be handled with caution.

It’s so easy to ruin us no matter who you are in our lives. We fall and we need someone to catch us. So be there. Catch us. Watch as we dance and sing. Fall in love with the way we speak. Love us. Hold us close.

We are so loyal. We love harder than anyone before. We will always stand by your side and be there when you need us. We will fight for you. We will fight until it kills us. We will be there when you’re crying. We will never abandon you. We get jealous and we protect you. We become someone else if any one ever hurts you. At least I do. But know this, once we are done, we are gone. The last mistake you made will drive us away. We will hate you. You’ll mean nothing to us and we will shut out our screaming hearts and move on. We’ll find some one who knows how to love us. We will find someone who is perfect for us and let you fall apart at the sight of us with another man. You’ll have lost us because you were too stupid to love us. You lost us.

~Stay Strong~

~Alexia G.

Love

Love… is more than a feeling. It’s more than an excuse. It’s everything we are. It’s the reason we exist. It’s what makes us human. yet, it’s used as an excuse. It’s discriminated. No one can love unless we prove that we can love. It’s like we are drowning in an alternate universe where no one can survive. None of it makes sense…

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It’s not fair what people like to say. I personally have never had much luck with love. I don’t think anyone really does. I think it’s because we are so caught up in being swept off our feet than who’s doing the sweeping. We forget to wait for the perfect someone to come along and save us. Instead, we go out and we take what we can get without really stopping and thinking about the outcome of false love.

My mother’s famous word’s to me are ‘Boy’s can girl’s can’t be friends without one or both liking the other.’ She says this to me all the time because I have a tendency to find guy friends and then later fall in love with them. Normally, they don’t like me back so I get heart broken. Instead of my mother being the kind and loving mother I want her to be, she tells me to grow up, get over my self, and she told me so.

Her mindset of young teens not able to love and her constant nagging at me to stop trying, to stop loving, has lead me to the point where all I want to do is prove her wrong. And I have. In fact, I am at this current moment because I have found love. Real love. But, in a sense, we are both right.

Most teens look at a relationship as “the thing to do”. Most teens don’t realize what having a boyfriend/girlfriend entails. They think it’s about sex and holding hands, kissing. All of that stuff. No one ever seems to realize that love is so much more than “something to do”.

Sure, holding hands is nice, but there is so much more to a relationship than that.

At the same time, a lot of teens do end up falling in love for real and be very serious about it. Though, it’s not just teens. It is literally everyone in the whole world. Even toddlers.

When it comes to small children, it’s cute. They act as if they know precisely what they are doing. I have seen it myself, in fact. At such a young age, of the grade for kindergarten, not one child has fully developed the Frontal Lobe of their brain which basically determines maturity. Most adults think that teens can’t have this developed yet. It might be mostly true, but that doesn’t mean every teen.

Most kids are so overlooked. Our words do not matter to adults because we are not ‘mature’ enough. Yes, we make mistakes but so do adults. Everyone does. I have talked to many adults that act just like children. It’s honestly pathetic.

I have been raised with the idea that there is one special person out there for me. I have also been raised to believe that love doesn’t come around every corner. I have been raised to believe that I am too young to rule my own life. That I am too young to be able to handle feelings.

One of my sisters has definitely fallen for that bull-crap. It is a pathetic excuse for someone to say “I’m higher than you”. It is a way to make children believe that they don’t have control over who they are. The other has taken it too far. She has fallen into a place that she can’t escape. She forgot who she was while she was looking for love and became one of those people who think it’s just something to pass time.

Yes, there is a perfect someone out there for each of us. I hate talking about things like this because no one listens to me. I am a teen. I know nothing to the eyes of people who think that they are so much better than those who are younger. News Flash: We Are All Equal.

If I am too young to fall in love, then someone tell me why I am in love? Someone, please explain how I can feel the things I do. Love is not a feeling that suddenly comes at a certain age. It is an emotion, something we have carried in our hearts since our births. We are each capable of loving. If we weren’t, we wouldn’t be able to love our families, our pets, or anything else we can’t help but fall in love with.

Think of it this way, without love, we wouldn’t have a favorite color, we wouldn’t have any desire to wake up, and we would hate every single thing we looked at. Without love, we would be the darkest, the nastiest person to ever exist. We would literally be nothing.

Love is a word that is a feeling that becomes and emotion that is reality and it lives in us all; it strives to show. It’s good and it is evil. It is everything we are. It is everything we are made of. Love is the reason we exist.

I’m not saying that you should now use this as an excuse to show your parents that you should be allowed to date until you’re sixteen when they have put down a rule that you can’t. You should obey your parents. What I am saying is that you can love. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are ‘too young’. 

In my family that seems to be the age that we suddenly develop this capability to love. It’s not true. My sisters have loved before. I have loved before. My mother has loved at a very young age. I think this mindset of not being able to love comes from my dad who really has never even been taught to love. He grew up with the idea that no body wanted to love him.

I guess the outlook on love comes from how we are raised, so how I got to be the way I am on pretty much every single thing my parents are against is beyond me.

I think you yourself will know when you are ready. you’ll know when you are ready to find love. You’ll know when you’re ready to be able to handle all the emotions that start to fly at you. Maybe you’ll make a mistake. You could get yourself into a whole lot of trouble with it, but if that happens then maybe you weren’t ready.

“This thing called love can be so cold
It can be miserable or it can be beautiful
This thing called love can be so cold
Sometimes it’s amazing
Sometimes it’s crazy
This thing called love” 

~ Nathan Feuerstein

You have to wait for the right person to come along. I have always said to find who you are before you find love because if you know who you are then will you be able to identify with another person; to know what you are looking for and find what you want.

Love is a beautiful thing that defines everything we are inside. Embrace it. Fear it. What ever you do. Never stop loving who you are, what you do, and that special person who deserves your heart.

A lot of my friends come to me after a breakup and say ‘Lexie, I don’t know what to do. I don’t think I can live without him/her. He/she was my whole world. My everything. My life is nothing without them. I feel so worthless. I think I’m just going to end it all… I can’t live anymore.”

This is something that I can barely ever handle. It seems like people come to me for advice. They want words of reassurance; things they already know is true that they want to hear. So, I give it to them.

What love does is murder. Love can kill the most innocent person that you thought last to die. Either they take their own lives or die from literal heartbreak. Love can also bring someone back to life. It can heal and save someone from ruins.

If you are going through a heartbreak and you just feel like you can’t make it, you will. I can promise you that you will fall in love again because the chance of loves does lie behind every corner. Someone out there is waiting for you.

This person is going to fall in love with your flaws. This person is going to forever remember what you were wearing the day you met. How you met. How many times you blinked that day. How often you blinked. They will remember your smile. They will have already seen themselves so in love with you from the start.

Believe me, you’ll know who they are when they come around. Their timing will be utterly perfect. Wait for this person to come because you’ll fall out of love with everyone else except them. Your heart will become their most treasured possession and all they will ever do is guard it, even when you feel hurt.

God forbid if my words have ever been truer.

~You are forever Loved~

~Alexia G.

The Good in Evil & The Evil in Good

Here’s the thing, I’m a Christian. I’m supposed to love all who is evil. Everyone is, but it’s hard. How are we supposed to love someone who has murdered an innocent person? How are we supposed to love someone who has raped a child? How are we supposed to see good even in these demons? It’s so hard to imagine that they were once an angel, but they were. We were all once pure and innocent.

There are a lot of people on this earth who are able to see the good in everyone and everything. Maybe you see yourself as one of those people. I know I do.
Ever since I was a child, I would get so mad at my parents for saying that Satan was an evil monster. Though, he definitely is, did he ever really want to be?

It was just one of one of those questions that always haunted me at night. So, yes, you could say that I see good in the devil himself. It makes me feel a little funny thinking about it. Like I’m rebellious or something. I just can’t help but wonder and I would love to know.

Maybe you don’t believe in God. Maybe you don’t think that any thing like that exists. I’m not going to sit here and shove my religion down your throat. So, let’s take a different example that every one of us can relate to. Try to think of an evil person in your life. Maybe it’s an ex. Maybe you had an abusive loved one in your life. Who do you see as a devil?

Now, I don’t mean to bring up any bad memories that you would rather keep in the shadows of your mind but just think of that person for a second. Do you think they have been that evil their entire lives? Think of the start of your relationship, if it is an ex. Think of how you loved each other. Maybe you were never sure about them like something was telling you to run but you stayed anyway. This that good part inside of you that’s trying to find good in an evil being.

After it, all ended you finally realized that they were just evil and there was no more hope left. Maybe not for that relationship but you have to remember that person did after all have even a lick of good in him/her.

When they were younger, they were just an innocent child just starting kindergarten with that cute, quirky smile that made their mothers smile as they took ‘first day of kindergarten’ pictures to frame and hang in the hallway. Maybe you think that there was no hope for that being, but you can still find that innocent child hidden inside of them.

We were all born innocent yet evil. Some fight it and some let it run wild.

We are all born with evil in our hearts. It’s because of the evil that was brought into this world from the very beginning. It’s almost unfair because it’s not like we ourselves chose to be evil. To be tempted by things we shouldn’t want or need. Though we always have a choice to choose between good and evil, it’s hard to always choose good. It’s so much easier to choose the evil because it comes so naturally while good is more worked for.

We all make mistakes. This is because we are human. We all fail at something and we all win in something. This is because that’s life. This world is so full of evil we are literally choking on it. The air becomes so thick with all this blood that was shed for our own good that it’s beginning to kill us. Life becomes so difficult to tread through because we and everyone around us are making life a hard road to travel on.

None of us actually want to be evil, we just are. Every human being wants to be good. We want to prove to the world that we are better than that, but most of the time, something triggers the evil hidden in our hearts. Something turns us against what matters, but something keeps us flourishing in good.

Our whole lives are books that have already been written. It starts from the birth of our souls and continues into the birth of our bodies. It tells how we lost our first tooth. It tells our fear and excitement at our high school graduation. It tells about the first time we fell in love. It shows our deepest emotions, our first job interview, the day our first child was born and how their story had just begun, and it has pictures of our growth. Pictures of our most treasured memories. It tells about the day our souls left our bodies and continued on with out them. The day we die will be the day we truly begin to live in either an eternity of darkness or an eternity of light. Which ever path we chose whether it was the rough dirt road or the smooth pavement, we stop at our final, eternal destination.

I know it’s hard. Believe me, I do. You have to see the good in everything, even yourself. You were born with a beautiful soul and an evil heart. Which are you going to let run wild?

Honestly, you should always choose good. It’s a bumpy road from all the evil the butts in every once in a while and the temptations. You have to live life to its fullest but in doing so, stay on the right side of good because there is a good to evil and an evil to good.

Just how there is good in every human being…

The next time while you’re down thinking the world is just so evil like it’s trying to swallow you alive, take a step back and look at the beauty in every living thing. Embrace the good things and good will begin to come naturally. Evil will always be around every corner but it’s just like getting over a hater. Don’t let its words bother you. Keep moving. Shine. You have a beautiful soul. That is all that matters.

Do something good today. Smile at someone. Leave sticky notes on public bathroom mirror saying how amazing that person is. You’ll be amazed how good it makes you feel and how it makes you just so much happier.

~Stay You~

~Alexia G.

Suicide

Suicide is nothing to joke about. I mean, the thought of someone willing to take their own life is heartbreaking. It’s nothing new to me. I have talked multiple friends out of suicide. Strangers, family, even myself…

Every year, 44,193 people commit suicide in America. For every suicide, twenty-five people attempt to kill themselves. That’s only in America.

One-million people each year die by suicide in the whole world. That means by the cause of suicide, approximently one person dies every 40 seconds.

That’s insane.

In every life, there comes a point when we really feel like just giving up. We don’t want to continue with life because you feel like the world is just against you. All of your mistakes continue to haunt you. Stupid things you did that day keep you up at night and make you cringe. You always feel like no one cares. Like all of your loved ones just have forgotten you exist. It’s a terrible feeling to feel forgotten, unloved, and unwanted. The problem is, no one ever even realizes they are doing anything wrong.

School these days, are full of kids who think it’s funny to laugh at someone. From my experience, it’s not if you wear glasses or if you are that lone nerdy kid over in the corner. Kids don’t make fun of that anymore. No one really ever ‘makes fun’ anymore, but there is definitely still bullying.

I have got to be the nerdiest kid in school. I wear glasses, I am ALWAYS reading, I enjoy art, I absolutely love to learn, and I always adored the teachers everyone else hated. I will say that every once in a while, I was teased. I was known as the ‘over-achiever’ of the school. I never found anything wrong with that. I actually liked that title. It made me feel proud to be who I was because I felt smart, but being smart isn’t why I was bullied. I was bullied because I’m still a virgin, I’ve never done drugs and I never will, I’ve never had alcohol, or really any of that type of thing. Therefore, I wasn’t ‘cool’. Boy, was I pressured into it though, yet still, I refuse.

My point is, a lot of kids today are forced into doing something life threatening. As a child from any age below eighteen, it’s life threatening for us to do drugs, to drink. It’s life threatening for anybody. All young hearts want to be excepted. We want to feel something inside, but all we feel is like we are paralyzed. As if we couldn’t feel anything. So, we strive for this attention; strive to be noticed. We want to be excepted. In other words, to be like the ‘cool kids’.

It’s peer-pressure…

We are bullied into doing something we don’t want to do. Bullied into feeling absolutely worthless. Bullied into believing we are nothing, but it’s not just kids.

Adults can have the same feeling. Like they’re paralyzed. It can be the same incidents of feeling pressured, but it’s still the same thing as feeling like the world is against you. Like God isn’t doing his job. We begin to point our fingers at him saying it’s his fault that we are so screwed up, but it’s not his fault. Brutal, but it’s ours for letting the world make us feel this way.

Forget seeking help. Forget calling a professional, though, it’s good to talk to someone. All you have to do is put your foot down and say that this doesn’t define who you are. This is only a hurdle to get over.

This world is full of endless evil. It’s also full of endless good.

If people are saying that you are worthless; that you are never going to make it. Why would you listen to their pathetic words? Why would you do something that you don’t want to do just to ‘fit-in’? Why would you take your own life because nothing is going right?

Do me a favor and think back to the happiest moment of your childhood. And please, don’t sit there and pretend nothing good ever happened when you were little. Maybe it was when your dad gave you a piggy-back ride to your bedroom. Maybe, it was when you scored a goal at your very first soccer game. Think.

Think of something good that happened yesterday. Who smiled at you? How did it make you feel?

Don’t ever ignore those small happy gestures. This phase of how nothing is going right is just a phase. Believe me, tomorrow will come. Maybe it will be the worst. Maybe it will be the best. You never know. It’s life, okay? Life throws you curveballs. Turn all of those pennies into dimes. Love yourself because you are worth it, and you are amazing.

Love Yourself

You wouldn’t be on this earth if you weren’t meant to do something amazing. Trust me, the Man Upstairs made no mistake of creating your beautiful soul.

I know all you want to do is pull that trigger. Just put an end to it all. But you don’t want to die. You want to live. You just want life to be easier on you. After all, you have a fragile heart. You’ve been hurt to many times; you are just so scared of moving on.

If you are feeling like life is against you, and everyone seems just so mean. Do not let this depression define you. You are worth more than a bag of dirt. In fact, you are worth more than gold. You are in control of who you are. You are in control of what you do. You are you. No one else will ever replace you because they can’t. There is only one you.

Live.

I promise you’ll make it out alive.

~You are Forever loved~

                      ~Alexia G.