Beautiful Evil

When I was younger, my father used to declare that I would be a Paleontologist because I used to be so fascinated by the mystical giants and never really shut up about them. He also thought that I would be an Entolnoohgist because I was constantly studying little insects, analyzing their every move, but most commonly he’d find me watching the ants.

I never wanted to believe that dinosaurs were dangerous. I never could quite accept that they had sharp teeth and could rip you apart in seconds. I liked believing that they were good and kind just another one of God’s beautiful creations.

With insects, I liked watching ants work so hard. They were such tiny little creatures but they were so strong and never gave up and what they were doing. One day, one actually bit me. I went running back inside screaming because I never imagined that something so small and strong could be so mean. It was a silly experience but it taught me just how evil some things are and how badly even the tiniest things could hurt.

Finally, there was a show my mother always used to watch that always scared me and that I hated so much: Criminal Minds. I couldn’t imagine that people could take so much pleasure in hurting other people. With how many times my mom told me how the stuff that happened on the show happens in real life. I didn’t want to believe her but I knew that most of the cases on the show had probably happened in real life before in possible different scenarios. But I didn’t want to believe that humans were monsters.

In my mind, the bad guys on the show were only monsters in masks. I hated monsters. But now I’ve come to realize that what humans claim to be monsters are only misunderstood creatures and the real monsters are us humans ourselves.

When I was nine, I began writing. As I got older I wrote down every single thing that terrified me and made a story out of it. I suppose it was a way I coped with my fears. But during that time reality sort of slapped me in the face especially as I gradually got older because I thought that the world was good and beautiful, but the world I was forced into was mad and dark and terrifying.

Inevitably, I began writing a story about it. This story became a series taking every possible aspect of bad things in the world all into one story. Everything that terrified me form the tiny things to the massive things. I began writing a story within a story and how it helped me get through so much… I fell in love with the art of writing.

I was a little girl who wanted the world to be good. I refused to accept that some things were bad and there was no way of changing that. Instead, I began searching for the beauty in the world. Eventually, I began seeing the good in even the devil himself. I never really cared if it was a good or a bad thing. I began not caring what people thought and instead paid attention to everything that made the monsters beautiful.

We are all born with evil in our hearts 

… but we are all born with good in our souls. 

But as a child, I was torn down. Was I the only person who still had faith in the good?

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Who was I to believe that I could change the world? Even if I only changed one person’s mind… I was willing to sacrifice my own happiness to see someone, who forgot how to smile, laugh. The thing is, I never gave my happiness away in the end. It made me happy to see that one person out of seven billion… smile. But who was I to believe in happy endings?

We lay awake in the middle of the night wondering what our life’s purpose is. It’s all the same. Make a difference. No matter how you do it. Do it through what you love. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, set the flame inside of you to a blazing fire, fuel it with love and spread it to the ends of the world. Set fire to everything evil…

Did you know that burning alive is the most painful thing a human being can experience? Giving birth is the second. So why is it that something so beautiful as a fire or a smiling newborn child could hurt so badly. We go through so much pain to love. In fact, it seems like Love is Pain.

Jesus died on the cross for our sins because he loves us. Mothers go to the pits of Hell for their children because they love them. We ourselves would take a thousand blades stuck in our bones for the person that we love the absolute most… What is that kind of madness? And if you think I’m exaggerating… we do it every day. We burn alive in something so beautiful but in the end, it’s all worth it because we made a difference.

So set the world on fire.

~You’re Beautiful~

   Alexia Dawn

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